third.

"Offering" and "Me and God" by the Avett Brothers.....
i'm blown away.

i have a million thoughts flitting in and out. as i usually do, but today is different.
i have these million thoughts flitting in and out.
but at this moment in time...
in this instant of my life...
i couldn't care less to think too much on any of them.
because something has happened in recent days.
that's made the need to overthink go away.

and for now...for as long as this lasts...
im going to sit and smile.
and revel in the youth i feel.

not thanks to any birthdate.
but instead to a Civil War soldier.
one whom may never know the difference he has made.

second.

you've got a hold on me.
and i'm not sure how.
and it's crazy how simple it all feels.

you said it yourself.
you're trouble.
but in an oddly innocuous way...

i think what intrigues me most
is that you do and say everything so right.
but in a still imperfect manner.
the way we all imagine things should be said and done...
but never actually expect them to.

it is what it is.
and i've got to say...

i like it that way.

"Falling Slowly" -Kris Allen

first.

"the way your smile looks so real...i feel like i could start to understand your grace...
but i... i don't understand why you're not here with me"

this is what im thinking.
i feel like i've lived a damn full life. full in the sense that, regardless of certain seemingly restraining circumstances, i have felt more alive than a lot of people could dream up in even the deepest levels of their subconscious.
i have experienced elation to the point where i knew, without a doubt, that there is such a thing as heaven on earth. the kind of natural ecstasy where your body forgets, even if just for the moment, how to breathe because it is that wrapped up in just how good everything is feeling.
and then....i've hurt to such an extent that literally falling to the floor and crying until my body was too tired to even feel was the only option i had left. i'm talking the kind of pain that makes you feel like the entirety of your own life is actually ending. when, in fact, it is actually only becoming that much more worth living.

because what i've realized in the down time between each of these situations is that if you can feel THAT good or THAT utterly awful about someone or something that you feel so entirely consumed by, you're doing pretty damn well for yourself. because God did not put us here for aimless wandering. He wants us to find Him in every aspect of our lives. He wants us to live. And the way i see it, God created people. so i'm going to devote every ounce of myself to getting to know as many of you as i can. and in doing so, uncover as much as i can of what all God has for me to discover.
and yea okay, people equal complications. they're complex and confusing and so intricate that at times, you can feel like you couldn't possibly actually know anyone.
 HOWEVER.

Our lives are supposed to get messy. and insensible. and confuse the hell out of us.
because when the dust finally does clear, the clarity that comes next is completely intoxicating.
and well, as for the disheveled meantime...i can handle the mess.

it was once said that the sum of a person is what that person is thinking all day long. i don't feel like this could be any more true.
and i cannot think of a more fulfilling high than the feeling i get when i meet someone else who isn't afraid to spill those very thoughts to another person, even a complete stranger.
because i don't care who you are. i want to know you. i want to learn things from you.
call me a walking cliche, but people are freaking beautiful, and are made even moreso by the wear and tear they carry with them.
i wont let myself live a life that doesn't involve making people, including myself, a priority. careers, net worth, guilty pleasures, and whatever else aside, i just want to meet people who are passionate about their lives. passionate about living in general.
and i want to grow more passionate as i encounter them.